When in Wien….

I’ve heard the old saying, “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”. So recently, I have adapted that adage to another, more northerly location. The Austrian city of Vienna is often referred to as Wien. In German (the national language of Austria), the W is pronounced as a “V”. So Wien equals Vienna. “When in Wien, do as the Wieners do”, is my new motto.

I flew for 2 hours and 45 minutes to Dulles International in Washington DC. Where I resisted an unyielding desire to buy a Barack Obama t-shirt. I then caught an Austrian Airlines flight direct to Vienna. That is when the newness of my decision to embark on this adventure became reality. The pilot, flight attendants, and most of the passengers spoke German or something other than the “American” that I spoke. Luckily, the American translation came just after the German announcement or message on the screen in the back of the seat ahead of me. It gave me a false sense of security that somehow, all the people I encountered would also be so kind as to translate the language that was about to beset me.

Wrong.

Eight hours of flying later, and behold. Street signs, bathroom signs, computer keyboards, labels in supermarkets, restaurant menus, and gasp…. The Simpsons are all in GERMAN!!! Who won the freaking war(s) anyway???? Don’t these people know that the world revolves around the USA? Why don’t they learn OUR language? By golly, I am an AMERICAN and I will just say it louder (and slower) if you don’t understand. Sorry, doesn’t work. I tried to order water to drink before my meal. (They don’t provide it) I said “Vasser bitte” (water please). Frau Waitress cocked one eyebrow and just looked at me in a skeptically amused manner. No other response. Awkward silence. My Austrian companions told her the correct pronunciation and I somehow got Coke Lite (Diet Coke). Without ice. It seems that ice will never be combined with any drink at any meal. Ever.

The city is so very historic and beautiful. Full of culture, history, and tradition. Huge palaces, opera halls, museums, churches, and sculpture dot the city landscape. Public transportation consisting of busses, trams, subways and FREE bicycles carry millions here and there. The city is virtually devoid of litter on the street and the crime rate compares with the safest in the world. No factory pollution. Dogs on leashes are very common, and their owners DO pick up the poop. There is usually a bit of wet snow feathering it’s way downward through pine and fir trees that have stood for centuries.

But the national treasure of Vienna (and the entire country of Austria) is its people. . When they meet you, they will always greet you with a respectful, warm smile and handshake. They will use any title you hold and listen politely while you stumble through a greeting. When they get to know you, they will be helpful and patient, especially when you butcher their language. To their good friends, greetings include hugs and kisses. Conversation-wise, they do not beat around the bush, if they want to know something or if they have an observation, it will be verbalized. They seem to be direct and to the point. My students may be interested to find that sarcasm does not translate well with them. (This means that 75% of my conversations are nullified!)

Then they will take you to eat. And they are very proud of their food. But there’s a reason. It is amazing. Different, but amazing. If they suggest something, try it. It’s good or they wouldn’t suggest it. Don’t worry if you cant pronounce it or recognize it. I WILL be good and it is NOT diet. Expect to have MEAT and CHEESE!!! And sweets. Don’t drink your drink too fast because there are no free refills. Did I mention no ice? Today I was introduced to the “Wheelbarrow”. A dish with fully, one pound of French fries, huge servings of a dish consisting of tiny dumplings with cheese and ham. Another similar dish without the ham. A dish consisting of butter noodles and frankfurters, two huge pork chops and two huge Wiener Schnitzels.

Don’t expect a “fast food” experience. The food will come at its own pace. Don’t expect to eat quickly and run. They dining experience is a celebration of conversation and fellowship. The waiter will finally come with a check (he won’t divide it. Pay him the full amount and figure out how to split it yourself). Tax is already added into the price in Euros and don’t worry about a tip. He is getting a real salary.

Although the locals are courteous and speak in various forms of English, they will also revert to German often. This leaves one with the opportunity to catch a fleeting recognized word as it passes quickly. But I have found that they are very patient in helping you pronounce the words. And there are sounds we Americans don’t make when speaking that 54 year olds have a hard time beginning to use. ( BTW, the keyboards to computers are a whole other blog)

Seemingly mundane daily acts are now small adventures. Go into a supermarket where everybody (but you) understands how to speak and read the labels. Try to do laundry while the instructions on the machine are in German Ride a subway with prices, schedules, and instructions in German. Watch an episode of The Nanny in German. I find myself with the vocabulary of a 3 year old in a slightly larger body (sarcasm!!!),

I have been to my first practice and have been favorably impressed with my new team. If you are still interested, I will try to be more forthcoming with my experiences.

I will close my first attempt to describe the wonderful and challenging adventure that God, my wife, and the Kornmesser Rangers have allowed me to begin.

From an Okie in Wien

auf wiedersein.